Learning to Live Again
by colourmehonest
Summary: Takes place just after the season 4 episode "The Rager". Elena is having trouble adjusting to vampire life and Damon has offered to help her transition. Meanwhile, Stefan is starting to doubt his relationship with Elena, as he can never lose control around her. Will sparks between her and Damon fly? Probably. Rated M for a reason. Smut and Strong Language. D/E.
1. Chapter 1

"You're a vampire now, you need to learn to be one" Damon said, eyes boring into her. He hesitated for a moment. Was he really going to do this? He knew that it would only lead to heart break, Elena had made her choice and Damon had agreed to a deal. He was supposed to leave town, but how could he when the girl he loved was falling to pieces? He sighed, knowing what he was going to do. "I'm going to teach you," he said calmly, pushing a stray hair behind her ear. This girl would be the death of him. He watched her as he eyes welled up with tears and she nodded her head to agree. He didn't think it would be that easy and her trust sparked hope in him, maybe she hadn't made her choice yet, maybe he still had a chance.

"Damon, I almost killed him, I _wanted_ to kill him! I don't know how to do this, it's like I have no control over myself. When I'm angry, I'm murderous, when I'm sad, I'm suicidal. How can I get through this without becoming like…._him_?" Elena sobbed. She didn't mean to unload but with her emotions running rampant, she couldn't control it. Everything seemed like the end of the World to her, she hadn't even realized what she had said.

"Become like who Elena?" Damon asked, confused. She obviously wasn't talking about him, so who? Klaus? Elena would never be like Klaus, not even if she turned off her humanity.

"Stefan. Look what happened when he got a taste of human blood, he went insane. He killed people and enjoyed it! I can't become that," Elena yelled through her tears. She was so tired of crying and being so emotional but it was all getting to be too much. She didn't know how she would ever get used to this, but with Damon's help, she hoped that she could try to adjust.

Damon was shocked by her admission. She was worried about becoming like Stefan, her one true love. He wondered how long she's thought about that. He helped her search for Stefan for months while he was on his murderous rampage with Klaus and she still chose him, and now she's worried about becoming him. This was an opportunity that Damon could use to his advantage, but being the silent good guy he was, he would do what was right.

"Elena, the only reason Stefan was like that is because he never learned to control his blood lust. He only sees it as black and white, either drink too much or none at all. You can learn to control your blood lust, I know you can. I promise I will help you, if that's what you want," Damon looked at her, hoping that she wouldn't change her mind and that she would still want his help. He knew she could do this but she'd have to let go of all the guilt she carries.

"Stefan is not in control of anything. He is a rapid dog with a muzzle. He gave up on us so quickly, or did you forget that? Stefan is always just following someone else and I'm fucking tired of it. You were right, I want danger and passion. I want _blood_!" Elena hissed. Damon was taken aback by Elena's hostility for Stefan. She was obviously just reeling from her blood high, so Damon didn't read too far into her words, but deep down, he hoped they were true because he would give her everything and _anything_ she wanted.

"Elena, you need to calm down. You've drank too much and your emotions are on high alert. I think it's time to take a walk, it's not safe for Jeremy if you stay here; you might hurt him," Damon said rationally. He hoped that would calm Elena down and make her a little easier to deal with, not that he wasn't enjoying this anger in her. Elena was always so concerned with everyone else's feelings that she hardly ever expressed her rage, except at Damon. It was a delightful change of pace that he wasn't being perceived as the bad guy here.

"Oh my God, you're right. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just, I can't seem to keep myself in check. I feel like I'm going to explode, everything feels like it's trying to escape my body all at once," Elena sighed, obviously calming at the thought of harming her brother. She suddenly realized Damon's closeness to her and that Matt's blood was drying in the corner of her mouth. She wasn't sure if she should move to clean off her face and ruin the moment her and Damon were having. She knew it was wrong but her entire body screamed at her to stay and revel in this intimate moment. Elena was the only one who got to see these rare moments with Damon and she didn't want to ruin it.

"Why don't you get cleaned up and I'll grab some clothes for you. You should stay with us for a while. If I'm going to teach you control, I think we should start in a house full of people you can't kill," Damon laughed uncomfortably. He saw that she was struggling with her moment with Damon. Since calming down, she must have realized that not only was Damon inches from her face, but she had basically trashed her boyfriend to his brother.

"Okay. I'm going to call Jeremy and let him know so he doesn't worry. Matt's okay, right?" Elena asked, suddenly concerned for Matt. She hadn't meant to hurt him, but with all the drama that had happened earlier and her rage towards Rebecca, she lost control. That's why she was accepting Damon's help, because he of all people would know how to teach her control. She knew that Stefan was trying to help, but how could he help her if he can barely help himself?

Just as Elena was about to move towards the skin to wash off her face and guilt, Damon grabbed her by the arm and brought his nose towards her nose. Elena panicked; worried that he would try to kiss her. Just as she was about to back away from him, his grip tightened.

"Elena, if it's danger and passion you want, you made the wrong choice. I would give that to you in a heartbeat, well if I had one," Damon laughed. His words made her uncomfortable because deep down she knew he was right. Stefan was the safe choice, the _human_ choice. She wasn't expecting to spend an eternity as a teenager, so maybe the choice she made was the wrong one.

Sensing that his message had gotten across he sped up to Elena's room to pack her some clothes and leave her to think about what he had said. He knew that in order to teach her control, he was going to have to push her buttons a little and who knows; maybe she'd see things his way or at least he hoped and by the look on her face, he might not be that far off base.


	2. Chapter 2

After the encounter in the kitchen, Elena cleaned off her face and hands and began to think about what Damon had said. She knew that everything changed when she became a vampire, Stefan was the choice she made as a human because she had never intended to give up her humanity for Stefan. With the choice of humanity gone, was Stefan really the brother she wanted or was Damon right when he said she made the wrong choice? Before she had too long to think about it, Damon came down the stairs holding a duffel bag filled with what she assumed to be her clothes, but knowing Damon, it could very well be full of her sexiest undergarments.

"Are you ready to go Elena?" Damon asked, leaning in the kitchen doorway.

"I just need to call Jeremy, but yes, I'm ready to go," Elena sighed. She hated that she couldn't stay in her own house because she could potentially kill her little brother, but she knew that Damon would help her control her blood lust and before she knew it, she'd be back living a semi-normal life.

"You can call Jeremy from our place, I really should get you back to baby bro; he's probably worried sick. We wouldn't want to add anymore frown lines to Captain Broody now would we?" Damon laughed sarcastically. He hated mentioning Stefan because he knew that it would bring Elena back to Earth; the Earth in which she had chosen his baby brother over him.

"Yeah, right, I forgot about Stefan. I think he was with Caroline hunting, so I'm sure he's fine," Elena replied. "Let's just go, I don't want to risk Jeremy coming home and me going all angry vamp on him,"

"Your wish is my command," Damon smiled seductively. Elena smiled inwardly, thank God he was back to playful Damon; she could handle playful Damon. When Damon was emotional and sharing things with her that she knew he'd never share with anyone else, Elena couldn't help but let her heart open up a crack to the older Salvatore.

"Don't be an ass Damon," Elena playfully smacked his arm and felt the sparks fly between them. She quickly recoiled her hand and regretted her action, nothing between her and Damon was innocent anymore.

Damon noticed her visibly tense after her playful smack and he knew she felt what he felt. He had two options; take advantage of her discomfort or choose to ignore it in order to lighten the mood. Seeing as he'd already pushed her buttons today, he decided to leave it alone and opened the front door for her.

"After you, m'lady," Damon waved, gesturing towards the now open door.

Elena instantly relaxed, glad that Damon hadn't picked up on her discomfort. She turned back to look at her house, not knowing when she'd be able to call it her home again and sighed, this whole ordeal had been wearing her down little by little and she just wanted it all to be over. Part of her regretted making the transition, but she couldn't leave Jeremy alone, not after he lost so much and all at her fault. Before she could let that thought eat away at her, she turned and exited the house and walked towards Damon's car.

"Stefan, what's up? You seem broodier than usual," Caroline smiled. Stefan and her had become closer friends when he decided to help her complete her transition and stick to an animal-only diet, and she was thankful for him. She knew that he'd gone through a lot with Klaus and Elena, but things seemed to be better. Elena had chosen him and now she would live forever, Stefan should be happy.

"It's Elena, she's changing. She's trying so hard to make me happy but I can see it's making her miserable. I mean, she lied to me and went and fed on Damon behind my back. I don't blame her though, I know how hard it is to make this transition and I shouldn't have tried so hard to get her on the animal diet, I could see it wasn't working but I just don't want to see her hurt someone because I know she'll never forgive herself," Stefan sighed. He loved Elena so dearly and wanted to do his best to protect her, but he knew he couldn't protect her from everything. With her becoming a vampire, he started to realize that he may not be her first choice anymore. He was already seeing her change into something he could never be. She could learn to control her blood lust and be reckless, but never could and he knew that she would realize this sooner or later and grow bored of him.

"Stefan, Elena loves you, you know that. She's just stubborn and always wants to put others before herself; she probably assumed you'd be disappointed in her for trying the people diet. I know that you're not upset about her feeding on human blood, so what's the real issue?" Caroline could tell Stefan was hiding his true feelings from her and she hated to see him in pain, but she had an idea of what was bothering him; Damon. Stefan was worried that Elena would choose Damon now that she was a vampire. Caroline wished she could ease Stefan's worry, but she could see her friend clinging to Damon and Damon clinging to her. It was obvious there was chemistry there, and as much as she didn't like Damon, she just wanted her friend to be happy and if Damon was the guy, then he was the guy.

"Elena needs someone who can show her what it's like to be a vampire and I can't be that person. We've seen what happens when I lose control and I know that if I try to show Elena how to be a true vampire, it will send me off the edge again. I'm leaving Mystic Falls, Caroline; tonight. I need time to let Elena blossom into her own person and I need to figure out how I can be a part of her new life without losing myself and those that I care about. You can't tell Elena that we had this conversation, I promise to tell her I've gone. I'll come back, I just don't know when, please Caroline, don't tell her," Stefan begged. He knew that leaving would upset everyone, but he needed to go and figure out where he belonged, because right now, he didn't belong here with Elena. She was tempting him to give in to his blood lust, and that could never happen. He knew that Damon would take care of her, he always would. He wished he didn't have to leave, but it was what needed to be done.

Caroline wasn't shocked by Stefan's sudden need to leave Mystic Falls. She understood that Stefan was tempted to go back to drinking human blood and that Elena's transition wasn't making it any easier to control his urges. She knew that he would keep to his promise and come back, but she was worried to see what he would come back to. The last time he left, Elena's feelings for Damon had a chance to blossom and she knew that with Elena's heightened emotions, there was a good chance feelings would be explored once again. Caroline thought about it for a second and realized that was Stefan's reason for leaving, not because he was worried about losing control but because he knew that Elena needed to get Damon out of her system….or Stefan.

"I promise this stays between us, but Stefan, you know you might not come back to a waiting Elena, are you prepared for that?"

"Caroline, I've been prepared for that since I came back. I know what's going on between her and Damon, me being here or not here won't change what they have together," Stefan sighed. "Take care of her, please. I will call you once I'm settled somewhere. Be safe," Stefan hugged Caroline quickly before running off to gather some of his belongings and leave before Elena had the change to find him, he needed to do this.

It was a quick run to the boarding house and Stefan quickly grabbed some clothes and his journals. He then tore a page from one of the empty journals and wrote a note to Elena;

_Dearest Elena,_

_I know that you won't understand why I am leaving today, but I want you to know that I will always love you. Being a vampire is going to be one of the most difficult things you do, and I can't help you when I can barely be one myself. Damon will help you and keep you safe. We will see each other again someday_

_Until then,_

_Love, Stefan_

Stefan left the note on his bed and grabbed his belongings, taking one last look at his bedroom and sighing. He knew he would see her again someday, he just wasn't sure if she'd want to see him. Shaking off the thought, he got in his car and drove away, out of Mystic Falls and into the unknown.


	3. Author's Note

Hey guys! Yay for a new chapter right? Who's glad Stefan is out of the way for some super fun Delena action?

Okay, so I promise to keep trying to get at least one update per week, I'm sort of writing this chapter by chapter, so even I don't know where this story is going, but I bet it's somewhere good!

I have a request! If anyone wants to read my chapters and fill me in on any mistakes, that would be super fantastic! Just send me a PM or leave a review!

And of course, I am open to suggestions! So, if you guys have an idea of where this story should go, or a pairing you'd like to see, leave a review and let me know! I haven't really decided on any other pairing beside Damon/Elena. I'm a pretty big fan of Klaus/Caroline, and with trouble in paradise for Tyler/Caroline *spoilers* I may decide to throw in some of that business!

Anyways, thanks guys and please review and let me know that I'm not wasting my time!

xoxo


	4. Chapter 3

_**Hey guys! Thanks for reading and I hope you love this story as much as I do! I just wanted to say that this chapter is going to be pretty intense. I'm going to through down a strong language and smut warning right here, also, there will be violence. If this doesn't sound like your cup of tea, feel free to ignore this chapter but you'll miss out on some fun stuff. Anyways, enjoy this one!**_

The car ride to the boarding house had been a silent one; Elena was too exhausted from the drama filled day she had. She was nervous to see Stefan since what happened with Matt; she didn't want to disappoint him again. Things were very confusing for her right now, between controlling her blood lust and controlling her feelings for Damon; she was being to feel a little on edge. She hoped that Stefan wouldn't question her tonight and just let her get some sleep; she couldn't handle anything else tonight.

Damon looked over at Elena in the passenger seat and saw that she was bothered, most likely feeling guilty about her Stefan outburst and nearly killing her friend. To be honest, nothing would have made Damon happier than to watch Elena drain the life out of the boy that stole hers away, but he knew Elena would never forgive herself had anything happened to Matt, which is why he stopped her from draining the bastard. He hated that Elena had him wrapped around her tiny finger, but he could resist her. Hell, he was supposed to be out of this shit town and off exploring Italy or France, basically an ocean away from the girl that held his undead heart in her hands. The more he thought of leaving, the more appealing it sounded, he couldn't handle seeing Elena and Stefan talk about wallpaper or whatever it was they talked about all the time and he knew, no matter how many moments they had, no matter the fire he knew she felt between them, it would always be Stefan. Maybe it was time for him to accept her choice and let her be, even if it meant he would spend an eternity unhappy.

As they pulled up to the boarding house, Elena noticed that Stefan's car was gone, which seemed odd as he was supposed to be hunting with Caroline, but Elena wasn't bothered, in fact, she was relieved to know she wouldn't see Stefan's worried face waiting for her at the door. She knew he cared for her but she wasn't a child, but he constantly looked at her as though she was about to fall off a slide in the playground. It was stressful having to worry if Stefan would fall off the wagon again when she had her own wagon to worry about.

"Elena, are you planning on staying in the car all night?" Damon asked, snapping Elena out of her thoughts.

"Sorry, I was just wondering where Stefan is; his car isn't here" Elena sighed. She wished she had chosen to say something else after seeing the hurt look on Damon's face.

"I'm sure your white knight will be back soon with bunnies a'plenty," Damon replied sarcastically. He grabbed her bag out of the trunk and tossed it towards her. "I'm going to get a drink, you can go get settled in baby bro's room," he said over his shoulder before disappearing into the house in a flash.

Elena hated causing this animosity between the brothers, but was it really her fault? She was 18, could she help it if she had conflicting feelings? She shrugged the thought off, choosing to save it for a sleepless night. She grabbed her bag that had fallen to the ground when Damon tossed it and ran to Stefan's room only to see it was empty. The closet doors were swung open, only to reveal empty hangers, his journals were gone; all that was left was a piece of paper lying gently on the bed. Elena walked over to the bed and picked up the note with shaky hands, already knowing what the paper said. Skimming the paper only confirmed her suspicions that Stefan had left her, again. She collapsed to her knees and sobbed violently. This was all getting to be too much; her transition, her losses, her feelings for both Salvatore brothers and now she had pushed Stefan away. She tried to control her breathing but sobs wracked through her body; this emotional overload was destined to come to head at some point and now seemed like the time. She sobbed for Jenna and her parents, she cried for Alaric, she cried for all the loss Jeremy has had to endure and she cried for Stefan. He didn't deserve her treatment but she just expected him to stay loyal to her while she went behind his back and undermined him every chance she got. He left because of her, just like everyone did. All the losses were because of her.

"Elena, what the fuck is going on?" Damon hissed from the doorway. He quickly scanned the room and noticed Stefan's belongings missing and realized the source of Elena's grief. It seemed like baby bro packed up and left once again, leaving Damon with a very depressed Elena. He was getting sick of this shit because he knew she'd want his help to find him and he was tired of delivering the girl he loved to another man.

"He's gone, Damon. He left again and it's all my fault," Elena sobbed. That was it, Damon was done with all of this.

"You know what Elena, he left because you're a bitch. You made your choice and it was Stefan but you were distant when you turned and he saw that. Why would he want a girl who doesn't want him? You're fucking worse than Katherine!" Damon growled. He knew he was being harsh but the mixture of alcohol and rage was making him particularly vulnerable.

Elena stopped sobbing immediately and stared blankly at Damon. Had he just called her a bitch? Did he say she was worse than Katherine? Suddenly she was filled with a blinding rage and threw Damon against the wall, her eyes blood red.

"I'm not anything like that fucking whore. You're right, I made my choice and she never did. Don't you ever fucking say I'm like her again!" Elena hissed.

"Oh what princess, can't handle someone calling you on your bullshit? Should I kiss your ass like everyone else to make you happy?" Damon laughed before throwing her into the closet. "I'm done with your excuses and tears Elena, you're a vampire and it sucks but you need to learn to fucking deal with it and stop being such a miserable bitch!"

Elena was done. She had never been this angry before and before she could think out her actions, she grabbed Damon by the neck and held him against the door, drawing blood with her nails.

"I'm a miserable bitch? You just fucking mope all day and do everything I ask in hopes you'll get a taste of me, so who's miserable now?" Elena grinned, squeezing Damon's neck harder.

Damon was tired of letting her win. He quickly grabbed her by the neck and switched their positions so that she was thrown up against the door.

"I do not want a fucking taste of you Elena, if that's what I wanted, I would have taken it by now. I love you and I do what you want because of that. I would gladly give my life for yours and yet you keep choosing Stefan, what has he done for you? Handed you over to Klaus, left you twice and lied to you about Katherine. I'm done being the fucking bad guy!" Damon yelled. His hands squeezed tighter on Elena's neck and he could see bruises forming but he didn't care. He was so angry nothing mattered to him.

Elena stared at Damon, her eyes going back to their chocolate shade and falling to the ground. He was right, he had done everything for her and she treated him like shit while Stefan lied to her and betrayed her. She was suddenly consumed with rage again, but this time, at the younger Salvatore brother. She pried Damon's hand off her neck and pushed him back against the door but instead of attacking him, she kissed him violently.

Damon was shocked. The feeling of her lips viciously attacking his was a new sensation but it didn't take him long to pour his anger into an equally violent kiss. He wasn't going to let this opportunity go to waste when he knew Elena would stop it any moment, guilt getting the better of her.

Elena kissed Damon like she never kissed anyone before. The kiss was so filled with energy she felt her lips would catch fire, but she kept pace with Damon's assault on her mouth. When she let out a satisfied groan, Damon threw her onto the bed, leaving all reason behind. Before Elena had time to object, he was on top of her, assaulting her mouth once again and she returned the kiss with enthusiasm. She deserved this. This is what she wanted. Stefan had left her twice, he made his choice and she was making hers, for real this time. Elena rolled on top of Damon and ripped his shirt open, buttons flying everywhere. She ran her nails down his chest, hard enough to draw blood, and Damon moaned.

The feeling of Elena's nails digging into his chest sent Damon into a frenzy. He knew she was serious this time, there would be time for guilt later but now he was going to claim her like he deserved. He quickly ripped Elena's shirt away from her body, revealing a purple lace bra containing what he assumed to be the perfect set of breasts; wasting no time, he ripped that off of her and threw the damaged lace to the ground, joining the sea of ripped fabric and buttons.

Elena moaned when he pulled one of her nipples in his mouth roughly and began nibbling at it. She knew there was no coming back from this moment now but she didn't care. She pushed Damon into the mattress and began unbuttoning his jeans and sliding them off along with his boxers. She had imagined Damon to be big, but she hadn't imagined him to be _that_ big. When he sprang free from the confines of the jeans, Elena stared for a moment, completely awestruck. Before Damon had time to make a sarcastic comment, she dipped her head and took him in her mouth, sucking him slowly.

If Damon thought the feeling of her lips was Heaven, he had no words to describe what she was doing to him now. He felt as though he was about to burst into flames under her talented mouth. He watched her through lust-filled eyes as her head bobbed up and down on his painfully hard member. This was surreal and he was sure he was dreaming. There was no way his beautiful Elena would act like this; so primal and predatory. As he let that thought sit in his head he knew he had to stop this, Elena was vulnerable and angry and likely consumed by hunger. Before he got lost in the sensations she was causing he pushed her off him and ran out of the room with a flash, leaving Elena standing topless with a confused look on her face.

Elena was finally letting go and this is what she wanted. The feeling of Damon in her mouth was nearly enough to make her come right there, but she wanted to give him everything he wanted and more. She was getting wrapped up in the delicious scent and taste that was Damon when suddenly his weight shifted and before she knew it, he was gone, leaving her standing in the room alone and topless.

"Damon?"


End file.
